For years, I dreamed about
publishing a book and figured it would be the panacea to end the suffering we
non-neurotypicals seem doomed to experience in mainstream society. I had my first taste of celebrity
status after the Appalachian Trail hike when most in the community began to see
more than the superficial abnormality.
I wanted more and tried to ignore the occasional hate mail that
criticized me for flaunting my heroism.
But heroism and celebrity status were the only ways, it seemed, to alter
my sad realities. I stopped
looking for the happy medium a long time ago because it does not seem to
exist. Writing a book appeared to
be the only chance to gain that elusive respect and all of my problems would be
solved forever. WRONG!!!
I have achieved my goal to
become a published author with Penguin Group (USA) – one of the largest
publishing companies on the planet.
In terms of an ego-trip…it doesn’t get much better than that! With this new accomplishment comes an
overwhelming whirlwind of commitments, things to remember, issues to worry
about, and, like the rest of the nation, concerns about money. These days I am self-employed aside
from a contractual obligation to lead one orientation session at Anderson
Center School for Autism per month.
The large calendar in my office area is littered with upcoming
commitments to deliver public orations and show up for appointments. Even though I have become a lot more
responsible with writing commitments down instead of relying on fickle memory,
a nightmare still persists. I am
sitting on the couch in my underwear watching an episode of Sponge Bob
Squarepants. All of a sudden the
phone rings. “Hello Jesse! There are one hundred-and-fifty people
waiting to hear you talk in an auditorium. Where the hell are you?!” You are fifteen minutes late!” I screwed up irrevocably, disappointed people who have
invested a lot of resources, and lost a substantial part of my fan base.” Furthermore, I hate letting people down
and take promises seriously. It is
one aspect of my Asperger’s syndrome I am able to exert some amount of control
over.
Once in a while, I will meet
people whose intentions are not benevolent. Like the aspiring writer with Asperger’s who used me to
connect with my literary agency and then complained to my agent that I am too
persistent after following up with him only twice in increments of two weeks
between e-mails. Or the
acquaintance from high school that wrote me a very convincing e-mail about how
she called up the Dr. Phil Show and connected with a producer who was
interested in my story. Instead of
admitting she made a mistake, the acquaintance let me continue to waste so much
valuable time following up with fictional leads. But I have been mercifully blessed with amazing people in my
personal life and business endeavors.
These individuals make it possible to continue despite the inevitable
exhaustion.
I have had plenty of short-lived
careers throughout my life. There
has been my fifteen months as a 12-hour night shift worker, an assistant
mortician, and substitute teacher.
But being self-employed is definitely the most difficult career of
all. It is easier to
procrastinate, the money comes in phases of feast or famine, the unpredictability
is tenacious, and I probably will never get used to standing in front of large
crowds. Furthermore, I am
struggling to provide realistic, but fair, advice for the many people that
contact me after reading Atypical.
When I am up past midnight trying to get everything done, the energy to
write blogs seems obsolete.
It makes no difference who has
it worse in the world or this economy.
Everyone has the right to complain once in a while considering success
comes with a price. I can,
however, look back at the side I came from and realize the grass was not
greener. It was as dead as the
winter is long. This is a
much-better reality and I realize it will be necessary to make time for
everything. With that in mind, I
shall try to do a much better job of posting the blog entries on a
quasi-regular basis. I owe that to
you…my loyal fans who continue to infuse me with energy…
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